+bout today..Yesterday...and mYpass...+


to make it look simple,*eventho i already dragged it to b s a long post*,
i've split dis post into 11 PART


PART 1

The stories herein, I feel compelled to tell ::

currently,im debating bout happiness and sorrows wif myself.both dat had happened or now are happening.
im looking towards myself and slightly thinking dat im desperately seeking for dat happiness.happiness wif capital H.
a pure happiness to be precise. A simple question to mYself
"am i happy now?"
and i dont even get a clue dat could bring me to d'answer.
i feel numb. in fact,i feel

few years back,when i was young,i've grown in d'middle of what we call it ---happy surrounding,
my dad and mOm thought me life is about to be as a successful person,
to grow up and be somebody,to be independent and do not ever have any intention to depend on them.
the path where i was bfore---is straight.
no harm,no pain,no failure,no bad days.
daddy was struggling wif his tough jobs while mama was double concentrated to her jobs.
both were bz.most of d'tyme to give me n myc's a comfort life.
and to achieve d'comfort zone was pretty hard sometimes when both of my grannies did not own any sugar factories
or never been as a millionaire.
so,life moved on. myparents made it. especially mymom.
i was very prOud of her,once.damne prOud.
she was a great lady.she was born wif hard head and brave heart to treasure her live patiently.
she was full wif hope and she always see d' glass half full.
she was optimists. d' spirit inside her has made d' challenges in front her looks tiny.
on top of that, she had desires to move on and she was never give up.
tears is d'thing dat she appreciated much.
will u believe me if i say dat all dis while,i mean since i was born,i never saw mymom cryin'?
believe it.she's dat tough.i lived wif her for 22years and i never saw she cry.
i wished to own her heart,i dreamt to be like her.
she didnt cry while watching sad part in tv series or movies,
she didnt cry during her first tyme leaving me n myc's to mecca,
she never cried.dat's d'fact. even mydad cried once in a year during hari raya,but for she----NEVER.
and dats y she made it successfully. made our family live in a comfort zone since i was young.
i never failed to get whatever dat i wanted to own.
they showerd me wif tender loving cares and money as well.
and at d'same tyme i never faild to go tru obstacles dat sumtymes happend in life,it went tru it succefully either.
mylife was blissfull at dat mo-----
comfort zone here aint necessary measured by having a ferrari, cardillac or own sugar factories ok.
comfort mean never short of money, never face any hard probs and those whateter dat we name it as happiness and blissfull life---we owned it!

but as d'time moves on,d'happiness will never stay there forever...
we dont call it LIFE if it always straight and dont have any curves to cheer up d'straight path.
everything changed.
in terms of money,it wasnt really big matter eventho it was effecting us a lot but never lived in penury level ok.
Alhamdulillah, thank GOD.
in terms of family institution,it destroyed.
no totally but physically. when every1 think dat they shud live in their own way,
wif a snap of their fingers, they signed it off.
in d'age of 17,i faced it. faced their separation,faced their decision.
and i just went tru mySPM's result which was really sux bforehand.
d'first failure dat i'd faced in this life was when i took that bloody SPM result.
whatever.it was bullshit.made me feel demoralized almost 4years.
hey,buddy,what will u feel if u have lots of frens doing their degree and being proud where they at dat tyme until u felt like u were down to earth,
and in urmind u keep thinking dat u' r a LOSER.what u gonna do??
by taking geology petroleum in university where d'university is in MALAYSIA,
where will i ended up in d'end?
would i earn lots of money if i wasnt have a good job after finishing my study?

since dat moment iv'e learnt bout failures..
since that,i've familiar myself wif dat big F word.....(FAILURE ok =) )
i've learned n 've been told dat life is not dat easy.
u will never get everything dat u want.
failures,miseries,sorrows and happiness willl always happen in dis life.
for d'sake of life,those bring d'colours dat would paint ur monotonous life.
yeah,life could be monotonous without laughs and tears.
since that i knew,anything dat happend in dis life has it own reason.


IF i got best result in SPM,i wonder if i cud be where im now?
IF i was dat genius who is taking medical realm rite now,i wonder if i cud complete my study in a very young age
and working with an international company which is situated at d'1st rank among thousands of other competitors.
IF i got any chances to further my study at overseas will i put all attempt to achieve good grade and care bout
to get dean list at least for 1 semester?
i cud manage to get mymasters in overseas later on if i want,
so,what's d'matter? y shud feel down to earth in d'first place?
i wonder if i was being as a thankful person if GOD gave me everything dat i want in this life.
i wonder,will i be tough to face dis kind of life now?
my parents, they told me that we will always losing some1 dat we love in no matter how hard we stand for em,
no matter how close we stick to em,we'll lose em 1 day. by DEATH. itu PASTI.
so,y bother bout a small separation? i can still meet both of em,
and they will always comfort me whenever im down
and they'll always be wif me whenever in need.
then i know,how hard i felt disappointed bout em,they felt it more.
they thought me to please whatever mistakes dat might happened in dis life,
dunt regrate it too much,but appreciate it by heart.
LIFE WILL NEVER BE PERFECT!!!
life has it's disfigurement.
actually the best way is juz think like dis "whatever comes in dis life,assume it's D'BEST for us.
d'way we handle it and d'way we face it is d'most important things,
have faith and believe dat good things will come as rewards for our good deeds.
"success may be delayed but never be denied"
success will come in any kind of shapes, its juz d'matter of how we accept&appreciate it.