salam merdeka

Looking back all the years, all the sacrifice
If you want to be the best you've got to pay the price
You learn it from the very start just how hard you must try
'Coz if you don't spread your wings then you can't fly
Look at where you are today
Did you ever think that you would come all this way ?

And now you're
"Standing In The Eyes Of The World"
Only moments away from what can be
There's a passion in the hearts of a few
ever waiting inside to be set free
When the time comes and your spirit
takes flight and you reach into
your soul and live it with all of your might
And there's no surprise that you're
And everyone tries when you're
"Standing In The Eyes Of The World"

Many have hopes and dreams that will not come true
And all of them left behind now they will live in you
Everyone feels the same once a day in the sun
But sometimes there is only room for one
Never ever been so near now the chance is finally here

the words and phrase motivates me to study hard and bring the victory home everytime after sitting for examination *yeah, d'big exam of course*

it also encourage me to prove to everyone that i can be as a successful person one day...

but seems like until now , in the age of 24, im still the old me, neither a successful person nor the one who can be as someone's idol. *yeah, i know i should be grateful for who i'm now and what i have at this moment- thanks to ALLAH*.. but in term of happiness *minus the relationship part- ouh yeah,im talking about my job now* seems like it still below par..
how can i be happy if i put my job as a priority and leaving all d'other things behind but im still not good at it, not really understand what im doing, how everythings works, how to do this, how to do that and i wonder how many days, months or years i can survive if i continuously doing thing that i dont really like, which is not my interest at all plus not even close to my ambition since i was young. nobody knows the pain that i endure, the thing is people judge me with materials, people judge the outside of me, yes i look happy, but no one knows how miserably my life is, when i have to worry about my job every single day,about my performance, about other people's perception of me and duh....so many things i hafto worry. moreover, no holidays for me, weekend in the office or work from home. ive tried sooo hard to give my best in what im doing, seems like sooo many things distract me, and other obligations require me to not really spending my time in the office during weekend. i miss my parents, i miss my fiance, i miss my friends.
but y on earth i always have no time for them? esp my parents? and why mommy still forcing me to keep this job? y mr fiance tell me to hang in there, things will work out? y dont anyone understand what i want and let me do things that i like?

yes, im trying to evaluate things in a very professional way,
i analyse things from different view, but i still stuck wif my first thought
" this is not the job i want and this is not what im suppose to do"

but why i dont dare to change it and just sitting on the chair that i used to sit for more than 3years? OMG!

can i survive wif lower salary?
can i survive if my salary is just around 4K permonth *if i got new job later*
can i survive if i have no money at all?
can i survive if im not who im today?
can i survive with the new job title?

can i?

and the big step i would make is to step from of oil n gas industry.
its not my thing, not my field and not my cup of tea.
yes, i can work wif O&G, but not as who im today, i love management & marketing more.

GOD, please help me. its such a pain in the ass when i have to wake up every morning and drag myself to work unwillingly with an unhappy face.

*i really need help*

about xoxo!

uwaaa.. i cant get chuck bass's face out of my mind lately...
:the interesting chuck bass:
yummy!!!! hahahahah
dammit!and i loike blair waldorf a lotttt!
sigh *penangan gossip gurl*
i want sharp LX-d'side kick fon - *spotted*- haha..
i juz stared at blair's fon, mesmerized. gulp! -errr for 5 minutes!!!!!!
i wanttttt!!!!
dammit! or else, i want something like that..

and yesterday, me ,jules and mai went to low yatt, they accompanied me surveyin' n looking for d'fon *ala-ala xoxo-haha* for me.
and spotted! HTC touch pro-blergh- soo ala2 xoxo - uwaaaa..
slide fon for nokia,samsung and sony are too boxy, this 1 its like,curvy & tempting..
but the price--errrr...
ermmm,i dont want to think about how much it cost, or to think about those noughts.
the point is im going to use it for years!
and its good tho, really nice and practical. ok what else? *purposely convincincing mr fiance*
ahhhhhhh.....whatever it is, maby i should buy it in spain this november? *grin*

bottomline:
every1 will stare at me in confusion when i say i loikeee chuck bass, but i dont mind.
im pretty sure of who i loike, who i love and who i hate for real (but of course i dont have any1 whom i deadly hate at dis mo)

lastly : *spotted* u r reading my blog! xoxo! =)

*ache*

*pole dance progress*

i can do the serpent now =) *happy mode*
will be struggling to do scorpio next....

but i need to practice more, to get myself "into" every movement that ive learned .
im rarely go to the class,
always skip summore. sigh. malaskan?
and i dont have a pole, that's the main reason y i always fail to perform well,
as i said to get myself doing well in this thing, i need to practice more and more.

cant wait to live in the house wif a pole attached to the d'ceiling..
most probably by end of this year kan baby? =P

Ramadhan is cominggggg..happy ramadhan all - semoga Ramadhan kali ini penuh makna...insyaALLAH.

S.A.G.I

i've found this somewhere in FB:

I'm Sagittarius:

You are truly romantic. You are very trustworthy. You tend to get sentimental and feel very bad if someone breaks your trust. You enjoy a great rapport with the opposite sex. Acting mushy comes naturally to you. You are very active and adventurous in your romantic quests. Commitment is a feared word for you. You take time to commit. You do not get too possessive. You love fun and excitement in your relationships. You love to flirt with the opposite sex. You like your independence and want space in your relationships.

Your kissing style:
You are an impulsive kisser. Your deeply passionate kisses are remembered forever.


*i miss him soo much...*
OMG..ive been through this ctuation for more than one and half year already.
i should be more tougher...
and yes,i know i'll survive this time. just like bfore. *wif GOD's willing.*
i should conceal my sadness,as patrick also surely need me to be happy while he's away from me. i should gather all the strengths i have and do exactly the same like he does.
*do not think too much about the distance, he's just away for 5weeks to get his handsome monthly wages*
ok, now i feel better. all things in the world have pros and cons right?
sacrifice is needed some times. thats what im doing.
*Dear ALLAH,
may mr fiance reach new orleans and monarch safely-amin*

- stay & remain : all the happiness in the world-

* hati berbunga riang,
bagai ada pesta bunga api!*


-remember this quote?-
and do you still remember Lagenda Budak Setan?
ahadiat akashah?


*lalallallalalalaalalalalalalaaa* - im loving my life-lalalallalalalallaa again.......

the Diary: Our sweet, sour, bitter 14 days....=)

recap : me & fiance's activity for the whole last 2 weeks
since: after kursus kahwin -


dinner wif fiance's family at tupai2.
the steamboat taste realllyy goood.!
yummydelicious~~ woohooo...

katie got extra bonuses this month!
so, all the gurls got free marco's pizza-hooray!
*congratz katie n thanks a lot*
lucky u having the bonus, me? uwaaa..... dont ask! pathetic! i wish i have bonus2 as well.

-reunite after more than 2 years- thanks to d'ladies-

-Dudes-

then,i took 2 days off last week to settle my wedding thingy.
we chased time and seemed like 24 hours per day is not enough for us, i wish i have more time for our wedding preparation and on top of it, i really hope mr fiance will be in mesia longer than 2weeks. but.....
nvm, up to today, we managed to settle few things :

1) had meeting with our wedding planners for both side, confirm about or theme (our theme wont be revealed now,will let you guys find out-by attending our wedding) , colour, wedding costumes and make up. - so for both side-DONE!

2) HIV test, borang nikah,- filled up!-DONE! (but didnt get approval from imam yet, he told mr fiance to come again in october because the validation date for nikah form itu will only last for 3 months. so, better submit it in october- see malaysia punye birokrasi- grrrrrr

3) Hantaran stuffs - for wedding it'll be 9th-11th. we've got all the things except for 3 things -so, more or less 85% done la kan ?am i right?

okie, continue with the update- so, i took 2 days off (thursday and friday, we bz-ed ourselves with HIV test, *i got the long story for this*- d'day bfore i took day off, mr fiance showed fever and flu symptoms, so i advised him to go see doc, but he hesitated to go and insisted it was a normal flu & fever. so, i told him,if his condition getting worse,we need to go to clinic asap n he agreed. so, ok, we went for our HIV test. after the process done ( thank GOD we r free from HIV), we were about to step out from hosp and suddenly he collapsed on d'bangku2 kt hosp tu. i was shocked. asking the guard and people there to call doc. then sum1 came wif a wheelchair and i still holding my fiance , i looked at him, his lips & face turned white.very pale. ok, "dont panic i told myself", so i gave all infos to the d'doc, like he' juz coming back from US last week, he had fever and flue since yesterday and bla,bla,bla....they checked his BP, sugar and heart beat. dr claimed he had low sugar level( hipoglisemia- mind my spelling-keke) . he was half conscious. and dr asked whether he ate anything since morning, he said no. ceh! geram beta! bley plak tk makan since morning, if he's in healthy condition, i dont mind, but he was having flu and fever at that time.so, dr said, " kene masuk glukos la ni". mr fiance tros segar when he imagined the big needle and jab? whoaaa, patrick sgtla allergy.-hahaha.lawak2... trs die ckp "no, im ok"... then, i ran to petronas nearby n bought him 2 buns, mineral water and milo. dr n nurses let him rest for few minutes bfore another checked up and after that, they measure again BP, heart beat n sugar level, n they satisfied with the improvement of those, so, they allowed him to go home. then we straight away drove to pavillion, met my wedding planner ,talking & discussing & bla,bla,bla, only after 2 hours later we had proper food at madam kwan's (sian mr fiance, lepas sakit tros kene gi discuss2 n pk2 pasal wedding, then br makan).
then, around 1900hrs, we packed our stuffs and drove all the way to malacca. of course i drove that night since mr fiance wasnt feeling well. almost 2200hrs we arrived at malacca, planed to visit our kiosk, but mom already do the closing. so, juz straight away go to mom's. porridge and chicken soup was ready for mr fiance (my mom mmg bias dkt encik fiance, bile tau die sakit,tros je prepare food for him, cube kalau i..harapan!), then we watched CSI miami (abang HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH =P), ceh sekali tk mati pon, tipu btol. then we went to sleep.

the next day, we went to malacca mall, visited our kiosk, big boss eager nk tgk kiosk die, then he checked the cleanliness,arrangement of the things like this thing need to be in first compartment, that 1 should be on the left side, bla,bla.. (tell you he's more concern bout food quality,cleanliness and stuffs arrangement than money that we've got that day, so i checked stocks in and out, money in and out and many thingsla we discussed and plan to improve few things in future.
then, we had lunch at grannny's. grandpa siang2 dah kopekkan kelape mude untuk mr fiance yg demam, and grandma cooked us few kampong dishes. kami makan joyously. hehe. then, borak2, gelak2 n my baby di served with biscuit kampong tu, alaaa, yellow colour ,thick, n hard biscuits but when u dip it into hot water, it taste better than its look. then we headed to mom's. we planed to go back to to kl that evening (thursday), because we have another meeting wif nurul shukor d'next day. but bfore that, we went to clinic nearby mommy's home, bf got examined, dr confirmed he got high fever-seee, degil,awal2 tkmo pi jumpe dr. so,again i drove back to kl.

big boss checkin' the kiosk





- gambar ini hanyalah dapat dilihat bila anda berada di kawasan perkampungan-

-mommy and grandma- kami adalah keluarge yg tak akan gemok!hehehehe-insyaALLAH.

patrick bermesra2an dgn grandpa-kene belajarla kan


our reflections


serious nak focus kt grandpa's kebun but patrcik selalu ngelat focus kt die =P


my baby wif booties-haha

the next day, P.A nurul last minte told us the meeting will be postponed to sunday.sigh - if we knew it earlier,we'll stay at mommy's much longer. but nvm, mr fiance had a good rest dat day, he spent the whole friday morning and evening on bed and at night we went to his parent's.

on saturday -was our hantaran hunting day- ouh, we went to dzull de classique first. tempah babju melayu for nikah n baju kurung for khatam Quran. then we went to starhill galllery and pavillion -shopped for our hantaran. after 6hours melepak di pavillion, we realized that we spent...err... biasela, for us yg tak biase wif branded stuffs and spending that much money perday, so for us its quite like..whoaaaa...wth? and when i placed my palm on patrick's forehead "baby demam lagi,panas ni?", "mane tk panas syg, banyak keluar duet today"..
ngeeee- so better the kasut hantaran, ill buy by my own, nanti patrcik pengsan when he look at the figures (ouh,im not gonna buy damne luxury brand for heels, its just you knowla patrcik ni tk biase, some time not too expensive pon,but he still thinks its expensive), i dont know what's the limit for my hantaran heels, patrick didnt say bout the price limit yet, but i think im gonna propose the price to patrick,if he didnt agree, then better i buy it by myself. ouh, we bought his mom and dad a handbag n wallet for hari raya (see, bakal menantu yg baik, reminding patrick to buy new things for his parents-heheheh)
then, at nite lepakin' at william's wif d'gurls (nadia and azwa) n then droped by at mina's, then balik rumah.

On sunday, i went to the office,checked jobs running and submitting jobs and then off to fiance's sister's. at first, i planed to cook few dishes for patrick n the family, but plan changed last minute due to unavoidable reasons, kekekee..ended up patrick's sister served us wif her nasi ayam. menarik kannn..kekekke....

then,we went to nurul shukur touch, confimed n discussed bout this n that... for our wedding of course... then, we had dinner at yong tau fu.

so, dats it laaa....the story for d'last 2 weeks until yesterday.until d'day i sent him to KLIA, sacrifice again for his work. yerp, for d'next 5 weeks.may he reach monarch safely. we had pretty tight schedule for 2 weeks, but we had quality time together, we shared our own moments, wasnt juz a happy part,we shared our sad, sick time and involved ourselves in a lil arguement as well- yeah,that's d'true colours of relationship.we shared everything. it seems perfect. because we cherish each other and we being thankful to GOD for who we r. we never expected more than what we have now. and because we care, we love and we appreciate each other..Muccchhhhhhh!

i love you baby.I really DO.

happy?

+saye dan kesopanan dan kesusilaan =)+

kursus kawin done!!!! hooray!!!!! =)
so, what else left?

1) HIV test - wednesday
2) fill in borang nikah -him
3) bring borang nikah from both side to malacca , meet the "imam" , me & dad sign it witnessed by imam and tadaaa!!! done =)

see, Alhamdulillah we are few steps moving from bfore, (static n still like almost zero preparation for our wedding..)

he'll be here for only 2 weeks and we r a bit bz settling many things. includin' looking for wedding planner, wedding costumes, make up ,whoaaaa and many2 things.

so now we got our make up artist, wedding costumes and wedding planner for his side.lega2....

all will be done by nurul shukor touch - for his side -so from head to toe ill use nurul's talented touch! gile dying for nurul shukor. but for my side she wont be available on that day, anak sedare die kawen...wuwuwuwuuw... whut to do...sgtla choy!

so, babes, i will keep you updated wif my wedding plan . =)

spongebob n patrcik n bikini bottom - with their wonderful life

amin...

patrick is backkkkkkkkkk =)
so, stop wondering why im on hiatus for about 1-2 weeks..hehhehehe.
we r spending our quality time together...
mushy2 everyday, gado2 for a minute or two... n most of the time bz preparing for our upcoming wedding day...

we'll go for our "kursus kahwin" in setiawangsa this weekend.
meet my wedding planner, make up artist n lots of things need to be discussed.
n hey, patrick is back form paris and guess what he bought for me?
i think most of you know the most irresistible thing from paris =)
but patrcik doesnt allow me to post any pic or talk about "that thing" here.
jangan show off die kate...
bukan show off kan,,.,juz sharing my happiness wif you guys kan?
i should be rewarded wif that thing and many other things for my patience after a long waiting without complaining right?
i endure all my probs, burdens and emotional things by myself without complaining and redha je kan wif the distance. nice lady kan i? hhehehehe....
you should be proud of me baby and thanks for "that thing " darl =) *kisses*

*may this happiness belong to us forever-amin*