salam merdeka

Looking back all the years, all the sacrifice
If you want to be the best you've got to pay the price
You learn it from the very start just how hard you must try
'Coz if you don't spread your wings then you can't fly
Look at where you are today
Did you ever think that you would come all this way ?

And now you're
"Standing In The Eyes Of The World"
Only moments away from what can be
There's a passion in the hearts of a few
ever waiting inside to be set free
When the time comes and your spirit
takes flight and you reach into
your soul and live it with all of your might
And there's no surprise that you're
And everyone tries when you're
"Standing In The Eyes Of The World"

Many have hopes and dreams that will not come true
And all of them left behind now they will live in you
Everyone feels the same once a day in the sun
But sometimes there is only room for one
Never ever been so near now the chance is finally here

the words and phrase motivates me to study hard and bring the victory home everytime after sitting for examination *yeah, d'big exam of course*

it also encourage me to prove to everyone that i can be as a successful person one day...

but seems like until now , in the age of 24, im still the old me, neither a successful person nor the one who can be as someone's idol. *yeah, i know i should be grateful for who i'm now and what i have at this moment- thanks to ALLAH*.. but in term of happiness *minus the relationship part- ouh yeah,im talking about my job now* seems like it still below par..
how can i be happy if i put my job as a priority and leaving all d'other things behind but im still not good at it, not really understand what im doing, how everythings works, how to do this, how to do that and i wonder how many days, months or years i can survive if i continuously doing thing that i dont really like, which is not my interest at all plus not even close to my ambition since i was young. nobody knows the pain that i endure, the thing is people judge me with materials, people judge the outside of me, yes i look happy, but no one knows how miserably my life is, when i have to worry about my job every single day,about my performance, about other people's perception of me and duh....so many things i hafto worry. moreover, no holidays for me, weekend in the office or work from home. ive tried sooo hard to give my best in what im doing, seems like sooo many things distract me, and other obligations require me to not really spending my time in the office during weekend. i miss my parents, i miss my fiance, i miss my friends.
but y on earth i always have no time for them? esp my parents? and why mommy still forcing me to keep this job? y mr fiance tell me to hang in there, things will work out? y dont anyone understand what i want and let me do things that i like?

yes, im trying to evaluate things in a very professional way,
i analyse things from different view, but i still stuck wif my first thought
" this is not the job i want and this is not what im suppose to do"

but why i dont dare to change it and just sitting on the chair that i used to sit for more than 3years? OMG!

can i survive wif lower salary?
can i survive if my salary is just around 4K permonth *if i got new job later*
can i survive if i have no money at all?
can i survive if im not who im today?
can i survive with the new job title?

can i?

and the big step i would make is to step from of oil n gas industry.
its not my thing, not my field and not my cup of tea.
yes, i can work wif O&G, but not as who im today, i love management & marketing more.

GOD, please help me. its such a pain in the ass when i have to wake up every morning and drag myself to work unwillingly with an unhappy face.

*i really need help*